Mental health in the time of uncertainties
Just a few weeks ago there seemed to be a semblance of normalcy. I had spent my week at work with my squad without worrying too much about the virus and was already excited for next month’s ‘week at work’. It seemed like the Black Mirror episode we were all living in since last year was winding down; and then came the very unwelcome twist — season 2 of April 2020! This time around things seemed much worse. Every story we heard left us feeling helpless and overwhelmed.
But, we are Kissflow and we are always working to tackle our problems together. In a step towards that, at our G2Gs we discussed at length how this lockdown and remote work has been impacting all of us. One problem that was regularly spoken about was the effect of this uncertainty outside our homes on our mental well-being. While being overwhelmed or stressed seems like a normal response in times like these, we wanted to know how best we can process and handle it. And, like they always do, the Culture team delivered a solution with an Expert Lecture at our recent G2G.
Mrs. Rebecca, a Counselling Psychologist and founder of Begin Again Counselling and Care, addressed Kissflow about the concerns we’ve all been sharing regarding our mental health.
It was an extremely insightful session and Rebecca’s candour and expertise while answering our questions gave a sense of reassurance that the burden is shared and we’re not alone. Here are some of the major takeaways from the session:
- Attending to your mental health. When should you seek help?
When you notice your emotional distress is untriggered.
“There’s never a wrong time to seek help”.
But, these are challenging times; so feeling anxious, helpless, sad or even angry is completely warranted because you are well aware of the trigger for these emotions. So when do you know when to reach out for help?
a. If you are experiencing these distressing emotions like anxiety or sadness for long periods and/or without a trigger.
b. If you are unable to elicit an appropriate response to a certain stimulus.
In both these situations, it is advisable to seek out help from a professional. There are various levels of help one can reach out to — from counsellors to therapists and psychiatrists who can help you depending on your need.
There are multiple resources and ways you can find help that suits your specific need.
2. Being there for others. How much is too much and how less is too less?
Being there is important, but not at the expense of your own wellbeing.
“You can’t give out from an empty well; when you’re being there for someone by giving them either your time, space or your emotional bandwidth, it’s coming out from you.” While it is important to be there to support our loved ones through their tough times, we need to be aware of the effect that it has on us. We tend to tell ourselves that it is more important to be there for someone than to acknowledge the toll it takes on us. We need to learn to not take the entire responsibility of others’ well being on ourselves; we should be there for others with healthy boundaries and enable them to help themselves.
3. Remote work burnout is the new normal. How to approach productivity healthily?
It is perfectly normal to have these high and low waves of productivity in times like these.
The constant reinforcement and social dynamic of working out of the office is something we all miss dearly. But, remote work is our best option in these difficult times. So when you have a few days where you couldn’t tick off everything on your to-do list, it is important to be compassionate with yourself. One thing that can help during these low-productivity days is self-care — read a book, get some fresh air, make a meal, give yourself a home-spa day, whatever helps you ground yourself and bounce back.
4. Eat, sleep, feel, repeat. How important is eating and sleeping for good mental health?
Sleep and food habits are at the base of mental health.
“When someone comes in seeking help, one of the first things we ask is have you been eating well and sleeping well”.
Your physiological needs are the biggest indicators of your psychological health. If you aren’t feeding and resting your body enough, it will eventually grow anxious, restless, low etc., It is important to make sure that you’re meeting your basic needs for social connections, sleep and food because it forms the foundation of your mental wellbeing. Only when you’re sure your basics are in place will you be able to identify the deeper lying issues (if any).
5. Parenting in the pandemic. How do you ensure your parenting practices are right in times like these?
Happy parents are better parents.
“Before you focus on parenting, make sure you are okay and prioritize your sanity”.
It’s like they say on our flights — put on your oxygen masks before you tend to your child. “Parenting is legacy building”; having the perspective that you need to leave your kids with experiences, lessons and memories that they can carry forward healthily can help you with your parenting practices.
6. “Just calm down”. How to deal with toxic positivity?
Even if your intention is right, toxic positivity doesn’t help.
“We are all guilty of making these glib statements of positive reinforcement, but it is important to understand the effect it can have on the person reaching out to us”.
We have all been both victims and perpetrators of toxic positivity where words like “look on the bright side” or “you have so much to be grateful for” usually float around. It is important to understand that when you or someone who is reaching out to you are feeling a certain emotion, finding the safe space to process it is key. A lot of people find this safe space in therapy but it differs from person to person; it could be in your spirituality, your self-reflection etc.,
7. Feeling okay and not okay. How do we untangle or manage our emotions?
The first step to managing your emotions is understanding them.
“Okay and not okay are not emotions. Being aware of what and how you are feeling is ground zero for dealing with emotions”.
Awareness is key to understanding and dealing with your moods and emotions. Getting familiar with your emotions and understanding where they are coming from is pivotal to processing them healthily. Mood tracking can help you get started on this process. Therapy and counselling can help you become mindful about it and create a safe space to manage your emotions.
8. Finding the right therapist. How do we know who’s a good fit?
Don’t hesitate to explore your options.
“Talk to a bunch of therapists. Don’t hold back on finding out who feels right for you”.
Different people find comfort in different styles of counselling or therapy and a lot of factors figure into it as well — money, time, language etc. Most counsellors/ therapists are open to speaking to you for a short while to help you find out if they are the right fit. Don’t be apologetic about having a few caveats for your counsellor/ therapist. And if you have found a good fit, keep track of whether you are making progress with them.
The session was a great primer to dealing with the flurry of emotions that this second wave has brought down upon us. Here are the links to Mrs Rebecca’s resource list and her counselling center in case you need it:
Resources: http://bit.ly/G2GResourceMH
Begin Again Counselling and Care: https://www.beginagainindia.com/
If you are feeling helpless or overwhelmed in these tough times, know that you are not alone. Reach out to your colleagues or friends and do not hesitate to seek professional help if you need it.
